But not even the strongest and wisest Dreth would know how to cope with the pain me and the other survivors now felt. Hawn Falco, Donta Nevin, Nadia Caballus, Nidae Boris, and myself stood watching Native Lakes burn for hours. There was no talking or eye contact as we did.
I shivered even though the air was warm and humid. Frank was dead and his scent was now mixed in with the other burning corpses. Even though I knew he was dead I thought I could hear him screaming in pain. The need to rush over to help the illusion was so great that I didn't know how I managed to remain still.
The fact that I did was a testament to either my strength or my fear. I didn't know which answer would be worse.
Nidae's face had a look of pain that was a far cry from his usual expressions. Usually he had some happiness to him even if that took the form of being annoying. Right now I wished that he was being annoying so that there would be some normality to this situation.
But no, he looked pained and I knew why. Ash Tidae had not escaped the fiery inferno that used to be our home. His best friend, who he had feelings for, was dead because of me. If only I hadn't decided to take pity on the Rethi I would still have a home, a husband, and the chance of a family.
"I think it's safe to go back." Nadia said once the flames died down. "If we want to go back, that is."
She and the rest of us looked to Hawn. As a warrior we all trusted, he would become our leader until our situation changed. None of us knew how much fighting there would be in the near future and he knew how to plan for battles. Whether we had warnings of the battles days or hours beforehand.
"You were the last one out." Hawn said and looked at me. "Are there any Rethi left alive?"
"No," I replied. "They sent out a signal and were killed before I could get to them."
Donta looked at me with pity in her eyes and that scared me. She was such a vicious Dreth that having pity from her was uncomfortable. What made it even more uncomfortable was that she probably thought I had wanted to take pleasure in killing the Rethi.
She wasn't wrong but I wouldn't admit that to her.
I looked away from her and back at Hawn, waiting for his reply. I was feeling dead inside and wanted him to tell me what to do. It was hard enough for me to breathe and I could see the same pain on the other's faces. A pain that dug right into the heart of everything that I was.
"Then it is safe to return." Hawn said with confidence hindered by pain. "Just be careful. If the flames are too hot don't risk going in them. I don't need any of you dying."
No he didn't need any of us dying. We were all that remained of Native Lakes. We were the survivors, the remnants of what had happened. We were the only ones that could tell the tale of what destruction the Rethi had wrought.
We all nodded and started the short journey back to what had once been home. While it was a short walk it seemed much longer. It was as if I were forced to walk all around Gaia just to return to my home. As we got closer I had to stop myself from vomiting at the smells. Getting closer meant that the deaths were more real and I shivered at the thought of encountering my first corpse. Maybe the bodies would be too badly burnt so I wouldn't recognize my former neighbors.
Upon reaching the entrance to Native Lakes, it was as if I could still hear the screams. It took all my strength not to partially Aveal and fly away. I had to be strong as I was one of the survivors. If I couldn't stay strong then why would I think my fellow Dreth would?
This disaster was a turning point in Gaia's vast history. In the future there would be teachers talking about this event. I might even be put into the history books alongside Fang. Of course that would do nothing to ease my pains now, but it was a legacy I had to build towards.
Stepping into what had once been my home, I saw no signs of green grass. Every piece of grass that I could see was either burnt or turned to ash. My feet merely grazed the burnt grass and then it broke up, seeming to explode.
"This is...this is..." Nidae said and I could tell he was trying to make a joke.
"Just shut up." I replied out of pure instinct.
He smiled at me and chuckled while the rest of the survivors looked extremely confused. They were even more confused when he fell down laughing. He curled up into a ball and his laughter turned to cries.
We all looked at each other as none of us knew how to deal with this. Neither teacher, scout, guard, or warrior was trained for this. It was Nadia who took him into her arms and started to soothe him.
"You go on," Nadia told us. "There aren't any Rethi left to attack us. I'll be safe."
"Are you sure?" Hawn asked and she replied only with a nod.
He seemed reluctant to leave her but eventually started to walk away from her. I felt deeply afraid of being here as if the attack had leaked evil into Native Lakes. My home would be forever tainted. Even if it was rebuilt, as when a town was destroyed it was sometimes not disturbed again, I wouldn't ever want to come back.
We soon went our own separate ways in the town. Each of us had our own memories we wanted to relive in peace. Memories that the others had no right to see or share. In three hours we would meet up right outside the town. In those three hours we would mourn in our own separate ways.
There was only one part of the town that I thought of going. I had to see him again one last time before Gaia took him back into her arms. Walking to him felt like the hardest thing I had ever done. Once I saw his corpse I knew that it would make his death more real to me. His death would become permanent as I wouldn't be able to pretend that he could survive.
Luckily the fire that had raged through Native Lakes had only left a few burnt bones instead of a mangled corpse. I picked up Frank's remaining bones gently, careful not to grip too hard as I was afraid they would shatter. Tears started coming out of my eyes as I came to terms with the fact that my husband only existed as these bones now. The love of my life, the man who helped me get up out of bed each morning, was now only bones.
In time Frank would become food for the wild creatures and serve to let life live on. That was why we left our dead to be consumed by lesser creatures. Life must continue even if those we loved have passed on. Even in death they had a purpose.
"Frank," I said, my voice faint. "I love you. I love you so much."
For a minute I didn't know what to say. The heat from the fire was still in the air and I wanted to pretend that was the reason I was having trouble speaking. I wanted to believe that the heat and smell were making it hard for me to concentrate. But that wasn't true.
"I don't know why I did it." I finally continued. "I shouldn't have had any pity for such monsters. If I had just killed them when I had the chance then you would still be here. Everyone would still be here. We could've started a family. I would've loved to see you as a father, you're already a great husband."
The image of Frank and a child filled my mind. They were both smiling and calling me to them. Native Lakes was still standing proud and the life I knew still existed. The only heat was the heat from the sun mixed in with the general humidity. Our child ran off to play with other children who had waved him over.
But the daydream faded as quickly as it had started. Soon enough I was well aware that Frank's bones were in my hands. He was dead because I had made a mistake that could never be forgiven. He could never come back and tell me that he forgave me.
"Loving you was unique." I told him. "My eyes never wandered and I never thought anyone was right for me like you were. I loved you more than the most devout worshipers admire Fang. To grow old with you was a dream I hoped would come true."
Gaia was a harsh mistress who didn't always allow her children to grow old. Some lives ended long before they had to. She would always take back what was hers at her decided time. It was up to Fang to defend us from her wrath. Letting the Rethi in and destroying all I had held dear deserved the harshest of punishments.
"I love you." I said as tears overwhelmed my eyes. "I love you, Frank, and I don't know how I can continue on without you. Even if I kill every last Rethi, you will still be dead. You won't be able to love me after the battles have been fought."
Even if I committed atrocities in order to soothe my pain, Frank would still be dead. That was the most painful thing about revenge as it could never bring a person back to life. Dreth would remain dead with only their memories to give the living hope.
"I know revenge will not bring you back, I know that." I said, wanting to run my fingers through Frank's hair. "But it's the only thing I can offer you, the others that died, and those that have to carry on after this. I will do all I can to make sure that the Rethi leave Gaia alone. I will do all that I can to make sure that the Rethi fear the Drethiveal. I will not abandon myself to sorrow nor will I try to abandon the tasks I have set for myself. I will honor you by carrying on and making Gaia more secure."
The words came out much louder as I finished my promise. I hoped that wherever Frank was that he could hear me. That he knew I was loyal to him before and after his death. The bones that were in my hands didn't know what loyalty was and speaking to them was foolish. They would become the meals of the creatures that ate the dead.
Before I stood up, I put Frank's bones gently on the ground. There was a part of me that wanted to carry them around for years to come but I knew that would be selfish of me. His body, what little remained of it, would be for Gaia and to steal from her was a great sin. When there was life in a Dreth they were in the world of the living but once they died Gaia would take them in her arms again. Frank had lived his life with me and one day I would join him in the next life.
"So that's all that is left of your husband." Donta said coldly and I turned to face her.
I didn't know how long she had been there and reprimanded myself for not paying attention to my surroundings. While Native Lakes seemed to hold no life, Gaia was a harsh mistress and there could be surprises waiting for me at any moment. Though Donta was a warrior and so could sneak up on me easier than most, that was no excuse for my lapse of concentration.
"He fought until the bitter end." I replied, trying to push my anger to the back of my mind.
"And if you hadn't rescued the Rethi he would still be alive." She continued. "If you hadn't rescued the Rethi Native Lakes would still exist. If you want to get revenge for what happened here, you should just kill yourself."
"Hum you."
Donta just shrugged with a grin on her face. I wanted to attack her now and let out the rage I felt but knew I couldn't. No matter how little I liked her, she was one of the survivors and had to be protected. The only way any of us would survive was if we stood together.
"Donta," Hawn said as he walked up with a pained look on his face. "You shouldn't harass Buteo. He didn't know he was going to kill everyone."
Though Hawn had sounded like he was defending me at first, he wasn't. How he said the last sentence was lathered with anger and hate. He blamed me just as much as his girlfriend did. I almost shivered at the thought that I would go down in history as the one to bring the Rethi rage down upon Gaia again. The only hope I had of clearing my name was to ensure the Drethiveal's survival and the destruction of any Rethi that came to Gaia.
"They were extremely well behaved." I said, trying to defend myself. "It doesn't make sense that they would just kill all of us."
"They're Rethi, they don't need to make sense." Donta retorted. "Their whole purpose is to either kill or consume everything in their path. Of course they would kill us, it's in their nature to do so. And you were the one too dumb not to kill them when you had the chance."
"I can understand about helping someone in need," Hawn said. "But they should've been tortured to give us more information about future attack. The whole Rethi situation was handled poorly."
The leader, the only one I could currently think of as a leader, was blaming the dead. Something seemed wrong about attacking those who had no means to defend themselves. Though he, like the rest of the survivors, was in a period of mourning. Of course he wouldn't be thinking clearly.
"That's the problem with Buteo," Nidae said shakily as he walked up, followed by Nadia. "He tries to convince us he's smart and then he comes crashing down. Ash is ash now. That's such a stupid joke, right? Our remaining scout is a huming joke!"
Nadia put a hand on Nidae's shoulder to try and calm him down. Though she had the best of intentions, it wasn't working as his sadness had turned to rage. All of us had our own defense mechanisms. He had tried to laugh and now he would try and kill someone.
I wanted to fight him just to let out my pain. I wanted to do something, anything, to make all of this pain go away. I wanted to do something that would have immediate consequences instead of waiting for death from above. All my internal talk about sticking together because that was the only way to survive went away.
"Stop." Nadia said in a tone I hadn't heard her speak in before. "Buteo only did what he thought of as right. He saw people in pain and helped them. None of us thought that things would end the way they did. We thought the Rethi would kill some of us, but not like this."
Donta crossed her arms and no one said another word against me. I could tell that they all wanted to let out some snide remark but they held back. Some part of me wanted them to criticize me as I was well aware of the burden that was now mine. It was all my fault that my home was no more and it was all my fault that my husband was now dead.
"We can't attack each other, especially not now." Nadia continued. "We are the only ones to know about the Rethi attack and we should be focused on getting the news out."
Hawn let out a sigh as he nodded his head. The guard was right, we were the only ones to know the truth and we should be more focused on warning the rest of Gaia than infighting. We could verbally and physically attack each other later, but now we needed to be worried about preparing everyone for another attack.
If the legends of the Rethi were true, this attack was extremely minor and much worse battles were on the horizon. Bodies would pile up rapidly unless the Drethiveal were properly warned and prepared.
"Nadia is right." Hawn finally said. "The attack on Native Lakes will only be the beginning of the war. If we don't warn the Council of Ant we will doom Gaia. We will betray Fang's sacrifice and dishonor all Drethiveal."
"So what's the plan?" I asked.
"We need to go to New Venice so that we can contact the Snow Leopards."
I saw Donta seem to puff up in pride and I could guess why. There was a rumor that she wanted to prove herself to the Council and get a position on Ant itself. I didn't know Hawn's opinion on the matter but I did know that he would go anywhere for his love.
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well done :)
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
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